Christmas holidays..

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas break. Ours was calm and quiet. My lovely friend Christina came to us for Christmas dinner and everything was going beautifully, until I dropped the pan with scorching fat ready for the roast potatoes down my arm and side. Determined not to let it ruin the day, we patched it up best we could, well Christina did and thank God she did! and thank God for lavender essential oil! Its amazing! So, I’ve spent every day since smelling of this wonderful aroma and wrapped in cling film (Just my arm, not whole body obvs). 🙃

The lead up..

The run up to Christmas, with regards to Christmas present buying went much smoother than I thought it would. Matt was an absolute star! and we did everything together, mostly online and a few bits from nearby shops. In the past, pre-Christmas craziness would result in me running around like a headless chicken, trying to fulfill my children’s dreams making it all twinkly and lovely. However, this year was different! I had to keep reminding myself that we would still have an amazing time, I just needed to pace myself and I did. Although, I didn’t quite manage it on Christmas day. I still find it hard to ask for, or accept help. I think that’s going to be an ongoing challenge for me.

Further news..

Since my last post, I have had another call from the Social Prescriber, she is a really lovely, helpful lady. She went through some treatment options for the new year, which is good news. Although, one of them is in Canterbury and I really don’t know how I will manage it, in terms of getting there! Nevermind, I will think of that when the time comes. I had a perching stool delivered to help me in the kitchen, and am waiting for a call from social services. They plan to come out and assess me in the house, to see if there are any modifications to help make things easier. Of course I am extremely grateful! However, it’s still difficult to comprehend that I need these things, life truly is different. I am no longer upset about it (I mean, there are times, but so much less than before) I am mostly embracing it and managing the best I can. My instagram family are amazing! They may not know they are my Instagram family, but they are! I am finding that connecting with others, in that space is an integral part of my day. They are all amazing!

Personal Independence Payment (PIP)

I have also had an assessment for PIP. This did set me back a bit, I hated every minute of it! Having to talk to someone about all the things that are challenging, was a far cry from the person that used to say I was fine, even when I really wasn’t fine. I would power house on through, sometimes feeling like complete and utter shit, but I was still ‘FINE’. Myself and a lovely friend of mine used to have this private joke, we would accentuate the ‘fine’ and would sometimes add in a little eye twitch to go alongside our ‘fine’. We always supported each other through our fineness, it is something we still laugh about. Anyway sidetracking, the PIP assessment was awful and I was pleased to get it over with, we shall see what happens.

Keeping my brain ticking..

At the beginning of this month, I started a little online course, in a subject that I have been extremely interested in for some time. So far I am loving it, it fits in with my day and I can pick it up and put it down when I need to. I got a few books for Christmas to compliment and support my studies, I will let you in on that very soon, as it seems to be taking a very interesting turn.

But, its Christmas food!

I have eaten my body weight in Christmas everything! Bag of doughnuts = Christmas doughnuts. M&S biscuit selection= M&S Christmas biscuit selection 😋 and so on! We have all indulged, me a little too much! Christmas food has gone alongside everything, watching a Christmas movie = sweets. Playing Christmas games = nik naks i.e nuts, crisps, cheese and biscuits we have definitely kicked the arse out of it haha!! I think everyone does that right?! 🤔

Christmas magic music

Our daughter purchased her first vinyl record this Christmas, and her dad is beyond excited! If you have checked out the ‘music maestro’ page you will understand why. We also bought her some vinyl, it was lovely to watch her using the turntable and getting into the groove. Her brother, not so interested yet. He quite likes Anime and getting him a firestick and subscription to Crunchy Roll was his best present. What makes my Christmas magical? spending time with my family, I think if this last year, or so has taught me anything its love them and hold them close.

Happy New Year to you all!

Sending love as always

C x

Overwhelm… what helps

Happy Friday!

I hope everyone has had a great week and have lovely plans for the weekend. There is a lot of Christmas shopping talk in our house, not from me, I’m definitely not there yet. My daughter is asking us for our Christmas present ideas! I like to ease myself in with some Christmas music and I am still playing Joni Mitchel on the record player. Maybe I need to get a tree this weekend. I wonder how many of you already have your tree up? Would love to see a sparkly tree pic in the comments.

This week has been a challenge. At the beginning of the week, I felt wrapped in a blanket of anxiety and as the week played out I found I was becoming more overwhelmed. Last night I took myself off to bed to rest in order to hopefully wake up today feeling refreshed and ready to start a new day! I have said, “it will be fine a lot this week and I do believe it will be, but when your in the middle of it you can feel completely suffocated. I have definitely felt like that this week. I have been quiet and less sociable and I’ve not been able to get my head around doing certain tasks.

I do recognise when I am feeling stressed, anxious or overwhelmed. However, what I am not always aware of is how I got there. For me it tends to be a drip, drip, drip affect, until suddenly that light backpack I started off with, feels like someone has just shoved a couple of enormous boulders in it!

More form filling 🤦‍♀️

I conclude that form filling sucks! It’s all new to me, and I don’t know an awful lot about how to get support, even though I have looked at websites, it’s still a minefield! i.e finding my way through forms that need to be filled in, to help us get support while I am not working. I am having to write down personal information about how I am finding life now that I have a disability. I don’t want to have to justify why I need help, or indeed that I do need support at all. However, I am slowly getting there by completing a bit at a time.

How do others manage??

My husband called during the day and I said, “I really do not know how people manage to complete these forms. They are extensive! the one I am trying to do a bit at a time is 24 pages long!” I will tackle some more today and then finish it together at the weekend. I can imagine people struggling with no support whatsoever would not even know where to start with some of this stuff.

I understand that services are inundated with people who need support with this kind of thing, they are doing their best. I tell myself that while I wait, and I am grateful when I manage to get through to someone helpful.

Words of wisdom

My husband has this saying, which more, or less goes like this- get the stuff you really don’t want to do started first thing in the morning. Get it out of the way and then it’s done and you feel like you have accomplished something. He says this to our kids, regarding homework and chores. I have heard it quite a lot and I look at the kids with this encouraging nod, indicating that I think their Dad is wise and I agree.

Even though that saying does seem to make sense. It does not work for me at all! For instance, I’m sitting here writing this at 8am and what I should be doing is filling out a couple of long winded forms, in addition to making a few phonecalls to organisations that will have me waiting in a queue, with goodness knows how many other people. Quick tip though, as I have been caught out with this, make sure you visit the loo beforehand, as sometimes the queue isn’t as long as you think and all of a sudden you find yourself in the middle of a wee, when a cheery voice suddenly chimes in with a rehearsed company welcome.

What helps me

So, what have I done to help myself feel a little less overwhelmed this week?

Meditation – find a quiet space if you can, it doesn’t have to be perfect, it can be your bedroom for a few minutes with your phone on YouTube for 5 minutes i.e something like this: https://youtu.be/inpok4MKVLM or this: https://youtu.be/k0PSUDvLi8E

There are also apps like: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.getsomeheadspace.android

Do something you enjoy. Do you get a sense of achievement when you bake a cake? (sweet stuff is always my go to when I feeling a bit less perky). Or, maybe you like making savoury food. I love making homemade pizza, or bread, I find it therapeutic.

Do you enjoy being creative? I made some Christmas decorations recently out of clay. Our son also sat down and made some Christmas owls with me, (I’m not sure owls are a Christmas thing, but we had fun making them) it was a lovely opportunity for us to spend time together.

Also, seeing a close friend that you feel comfortable and happy around, a person that will lift you up can be a wonderful way to unwind. Laughter really is the best medicine.

Whatever you decide, be kind to yourself.

Have a beautiful day, sending so much love.

C x

Getting the help you need

Make notes

Since the beginning of this year, I have made it my mission to document everything. I want to remember this journey as I think it’s important to make notes on what happened at the beginning of this year, and how it impacts on my daily life. For example: What is difficult? what happens when I do this? or that? Also, to include any new symptoms so that I can inform whichever specialist I am seeing. Furthermore, my intention is to provide them with what I regard as important information about my health, so that the doctor/specialist will start to piece it all together. Therefore, giving them insight that inturn will hopefully enable them to see the bigger picture. It has also really helped me to remember.

Appointments are a way off and I want to make sure I am ready to communicate how challenging this last year has been. I feel that it is vital to have the correct diagnosis, so that I can receive the right treatment to help me in the long term.

Spanner coming, sorry

However, (not to put a spanner in the works) it all depends on who you see! You could see a wonderful doctor/specialist that will ask you how you think things are going, and is more than happy to sit and listen to your concerns, but you may get someone who you have spent six months waiting to see, that has no time to listen to you, no empathy, or understanding and you end up closing the door behind you feeling upset and angry.

I have experienced this in the past, and it has been those moments that have spirred me on to make sure I advocate for myself in the best way possible! Someone once said to me – they are just like you (talking about a manager I once had) they have a label of manager, but they are no better than you. It’s just a title, don’t be intimidated. Say how you feel, tell them what you think. You are amazing, your feelings are valid. Doctors and specialists are no different, if they are not listening and shut you down when you try to talk to them, you are well within your right to rise up and ask to see someone else. However, you may be in for another long wait, but it may be worth it. I do know that some people do book private appointments with the specialist of their choice, and that may be an option for you. But, if you are waiting for an NHS appointment the waiting times at the moment are vast and it’s completely out of your control.

Unfortunatly, it’s a waiting game

I spoke to the Neurologists secretary (a lovely lady) this week to ask if my blood results were back from Guys Hospital in London.
The Neurologist sent off my blood to be tested for Hereditary Spastic Paraparesis (HSP) Her reply was, “I have called them, but unfortunately because of the back log you will not receive your results for six months!” All I could say was, “oh okay, thats that then, I’ll stop pestering you now” I joked. She laughed and reassured me that I could call anytime and that she would do her best to help. We then said goodbye.

I couldn’t help but feel despondent. It’s so hard to wait, it’s been almost a whole year! A year of pain, not being able to walk properly, on another level fatigue, dizziness and weakness. All of a sudden it all creeped up on me and I just sat there and sighed. It’s all up to me, I have to do this for myself, no one is going to swish a magic wand, there is no instant fix.

And then this…

I got a call, on the same day from a lovely lady from the health centre. My doctor had referred me to her last week. She was calling me to see how I was getting on. So, I began to fill her in best I could about the challenges I now face eight months after my hospital admissions. She asked me specifically how I was managing with everyday tasks, no one had asked me about these things before. With a heavy heart I told her that standing makes my legs hurt when trying to make dinner, standing in the shower was challenging, and how climbing my stairs was another great feat at times.

She simply said, “you need a perching stool so that you can sit level with the kitchen worktop, would you like one?”

“Really? You can get one of those for me?”

“Yes, and do you want something for the bathroom?”

I couldn’t believe it! I actually felt emotional! I had been trying so hard to do these things, not wanting to complain, just trying to get on the best I could, to feel like my old self. Now, someone was saying – no wonder you are struggling with these tasks, you need help!

She also offered therapies to help i.e a chair yoga group close to where I live, a gym specifically for people with neurological conditions and counselling should I want it. She said, “I will make a referral to Occupational Health, and someone will be in touch regarding a visit to see if you need anything else to help you around the house.”

I took a deep breath, if she had been sitting next to me I would have hugged her, this wonderful stranger who really had made my day. I thanked her profusely for her time and help. She organised another date and time to call me to see how things were going.

Social Prescriber

Her name is Debbie, she is a Social Prescriber and in just under hour she had validated my feelings, empathised and understood how challenging life had become, and then told me how she could help. I had never heard of a Social Prescriber before, and I wonder if any of you have? It could be a lifeline for many of you who need support, and resources to help you manage essential tasks around the house.

After the call I felt a lot lighter. I just need to hang on in there. I will keep you updated and let you know how the Occupational Health visit goes.

Sending much love as always

C x

Looking after you

Healthy eating

As we all know eating healthily is good for us. We are encouraged to eat a varied diet with plenty of vegetables and fruit to give us all the nutrients we need to be healthy in body and mind. However, if your a picky eater and find that you do not enjoy a variety of foods, it becomes harder to get all you need to support your body and immune system and that’s when vitamins may help.

Luckily, I enjoy a wide range of foods and I am mindful of eating sugary foods, or deep fried foods (Although, not so great at resisting a Krispy Kreme doughnut, I mean who can?).

Hello, goodbye 👋

Before my hospital visits at the beginning of this year I was a vegetarian. I hadn’t eaten meat for some time. During my hospital stay I ordered ‘Hello Fresh’ boxes for my husband to help him and the kids eat healthy nutritional food, instead of them eating fry-ups, or Bernard Matthews Turkey Drummers (they all love them!) and chips. However, it turned out not be that helpful and texts of “what is a garlic press?” and “when it says half the tomatoes, does that mean cut them in half? Or half the punnet?” Made me realise that it was going to hinder rather than help, so I cancelled the boxes and all was well (I mean he does make a mean fry-up). When I returned home, I didn’t have the energy to even try and cook a meal, so I ended up saying “do your best, I will eat whatever you make” and I did.

Since then, I have eaten a variety of different foods including meat and try to make adventurous choices when making dinner. Although dinner time is tricky for a couple of reasons…

1. We have a picky eater in our household. Our daughter is very difficult to please when it comes to food and now she is earning her own money, so if we are having something that doesn’t suit her she will order takeaway! Therefore, I have vitamins for her to take as her diet is far from varied.

2. I find standing for a period of time tricky as my legs start to hurt and repetitive actions make my arms ache. I find it irritating, but my determination to finish my task i.e get the dinner cooked and onto a plate keeps me going, even if it means me sitting while peeling the spuds.

Vitamin supplements

When it comes to vitamins there are so many different brands to choose from and some are quite pricey. But, with a little research I found a company called ‘Feel’ I ordered them as they had really good reviews, and they were quite reasonably priced so we shall see. I’ll do a little review after a month or so.

Smoothietastic

The great thing is that I love a good smoothie! and have dedicated a page to smoothie recipes, feel free to check out some of the recipes if your a smoothie fiend like me. When I’m having a low energy day, I will pack in some veg, fruit, oat milk and sometimes nut butter among other things into the blender, I then have a nutritional breakfast, lunch, or afternoon snack. I have a few more recipes to add to the page, so pop in to see if there is anything new in there for you.

Alternative route

I am very interested in herbalism and alternative therapies. I found myself gravitating towards posts and people, who have more experience with herbal tinctures and teas. I have mentioned before about being sensitive to medication therefore, I am always searching for new ways to help myself using alternative methods. In the past, when I have been struggling with a health ailment, my first point of call has always been to research an alternative method to treat myself. At the moment I am doing a little of both. if I am honest, I am a little worried about coming off of prescribed medication as I couldn’t bear to get worse. Therefore, I will keep going with it until things settle and then invest in seeing a Neuropath to help me further.

Professional collaboration

My cousin in Australia was diagnosed with Reumatoid Arthritis some time ago (she is only a year older than me) and with the help of her GP and a Neuropath she is now doing really well! She contacted me a couple of months ago to tell me about her health journey, and to tell me how helpful it had been to have both professionals working together to reach a common goal. I visited my GP recently and asked her about this, I was hoping that maybe my own surgery would be as open minded. However, she said it was something they did not do. I told her it was a shame and she seemed to agree. I hope I’ve planted a seed there, I wonder if it will grow.

Self advocacy

I think it’s important to self advocate when it comes to your health. You know yourself better than anyone, if you do some research and think that something will benefit you, please don’t be afraid to use your voice. I have written about this previously and am very passionate about it. If you are not being listened to, maybe it’s time to ask to see a different doctor. If your not happy its okay to ask for a second opinion.

I would be interested to know if there is anything that you have found helpful on your health journey. Have you sought alternative medicine, or therapies that you feel have helped? Or specific foods that you have added or cut out that have had a positive impact.

I hope everyone is doing okay.

Sending so much love

C x

Getting around…

Introducing Flo

I now have Flo, (yes, I named her. It makes it way more fun!). The picture above is not exactly what I have, but its very similar. I went out for the first time at the weekend with Matt to see if I could get my head around using it and to my surprise I managed it pretty well. However, there were a few issues. The issues were nothing to do with me using it as that went very well. The issues were to do with the pathways, door entrances, basic accessibility. There were places that I was unable to get into, or pavements that were so uneven that I had to be careful maneuvering, and if Matt wasn’t with me I could easily have lost my nerve. Its so strange for me to feel this vulnerable. Now when I come up against challenges, instead of just shaking it off I find I have no emotional resilience at all. I get flustered and suddenly I’m talking to myself (inside head voice, which is totally appropriate for this sort of thing) my usual rhetoric, you can do this, its fine, don’t worry. I try not to focus on the lie – that everyone is looking at me.

Feeling confident

I want to be able to feel confident about going out on my own, which I know will come with time. But we do have another small issue to contend with and one we did not think about. Flo is heavy, too heavy for me to get her out of the front door. We have a threshold and a step problem and even though we have looked up the best way of solving this, its a bit more complicated than we thought and may take a bit of figuring out. It is definitely fixable though.

Accessibility

On our outing I found that my brain was taking a mental note of somewhere I could go for a coffee should I want to, or pick up a few bits for dinner, or get into the chemist. It was surprising to find that many of the places we passed posed a problem for me, and I know that I wouldn’t even want to attempt it just in case I got stuck. I said to Matt, “it really isn’t okay that people in wheelchairs cannot access places that they would love to go because there is no way in” not being one to make a fuss I know I will just pass by the window and wait for a day when someone is with me. The one place that disappointed me the most was my favourite bakery, two steps to get in. (I have mentioned Grain and Hearth in a previous post, I love their bread, coffee and cakes). My plan is to get a folding walking stick to take with me, so that if I am on my own I can go in and get myself something, so its not completely out of the question. However, I find myself thinking of others who would not have that option and I think I may contact them to ask if they have a ramp, because they may, I didn’t ask, but I will.

It was a successful first time with Flo and although it is painful to sit for a longer period of time, it definitely helped that the seat was padded and it is much more comfortable than the wheelchair. I would say thats a WIN! I’ll take it!

I hope everyone is having a good day and if anyone has any suggestions with regards to ramps, I would appreciate it. Matt did try and make one… It didn’t go too well! He really did try, though bless him. Also, have you ever approached a shop about accessibility? I would be interested to know how it went.

Sending lots of love

C x

A little lost in the maze

I have to admit that I have been feeling a little lost, I am having to face the fact that my current role of working with children seems further away, and realistically may not be something I can get back to. I cannot help but feel that it may be back to the drawing board for me and that’s tough.

Sometimes I feel like it’s okay, I will manifest this wonderful new idea and bring it to fruition with my usual energy and passion! Then there are times when I feel tired and beaten and I wonder what I’m going to do with this new me. I also feel that it’s almost impossible to go back to my role, as it reminds me too much of who I was, or rather what I could do and that’s upsetting. I hope that makes sense.

Applying for benefits

Yesterday for the very first time in my life I applied for ESA (Employment and Support Allowance) a benefit to help those who cannot go back to work due to illness, and who have had the full amount of SSP (Statutory Sick Pay). I have trouble getting my head around this as it has been eight months since my hospital admissions and I had hoped that everything (me) was going to be in ship shape by now. The forms took some time, but I finally got them done, so I can tick off a tick box, and I ate a of a bar of chocolate for my effort!

Positive thinking

The pain I experience daily gnaws away at me, but because of the type of person I am, I know that I need to focus on the positive and my inquiring mind is already in search of something I can do from home. I need to feel useful in some way. I hope that there is something wonderful in store. I have been reminded by a special someone that I need to have faith that there is. Also, my new hobby is beginning to come to life, so there is already something for me to focus on. I will write a post on this soon.

Overcoming Barriers (yay me!)

I have been reflective over this last week or so. I have overcome barriers like; finally coming to terms with the fact that I need more help physically. I made those first steps by renting a wheelchair and found that I do not have the strength in my arms to get myself around and its so much harder than I thought.

I naively thought that I could just jump in a wheelchair and be on my merry way. However, it wasn’t as easy as I thought and I got stuck on a road unable to get up the curb (which was flat) as cars passed by I imagined the people inside going – ‘deary me’ as they passed by me. I eventually made it out of the chair, but not before almost falling forward onto the pavement.

As I look back on this incident I remember thinking (after having got out of the wheelchair to get myself safely off the road) of a joke my husband made when he took me out in the wheelchair one day as I got out to sit down for a coffee: “it’s a miracle, she can walk!” I made myself laugh and it got me back home safely without further trauma. I find that laughter is my medicine and I promised myself that in this blog I would continue to find the humour in it all as it helps me to stay positive.

A Charity Shop Gem!

This week Matt and I went out, and although I still get that awful anxiety about going out in my home town, I actually didn’t feel as bad this time round. I had come to the conclusion that a self propelled wheelchair was definitely a challenge, but I am determined to keep going when suddenly a small miracle happened!

A charity shop was selling a motorised wheelchair and because I had already made that step to allow myself to have help in the form of a mobility aid, this actually didn’t feel too bad, and it didn’t take too much convincing! Matt makes it so much easier for me to make these type of decisions. So, we bought it and it is was delivered yesterday afternoon. My reasoning was, its an investment and when things are better i.e I get better, we can always sell it.

I feel okay about it and I will let you know how it goes, how have mobility aids helped you find freedom in life? How do you feel about them now in comparison to when you first thought about getting one?

Also, has an illness ever prevented you from working? Did you find something else that suited you better? i.e working from home, or something else you find fulfilling.

I hope everyone is okay sending lots of love

C x

Finding joy in every day

After watching a live stream on Instagram by itsaliceella, (someone who regularly makes me laugh and smile) I learnt that I could rent a wheelchair for a week from the Red Cross.

I have found it difficult coming to terms with even the thought of needing a wheelchair. I feel worried that if I don’t keep pushing myself to be active that I will lose the ability altogether, (you know, if you don’t use it, you lose it mentality).

After watching the Instagram live and reading other posts/blogs, I realised that it could actually give me freedom. So, last Friday I made that first initial step to rent one for the week to see how I would get on. The lady at Red Cross was so helpful and the whole process was pretty straightforward. Monday came and at 1.30pm the wheelchair arrived! I looked at it like my nemesis, I kept walking past it in the hallway thinking, is this freedom? One day later, I said to my husband can we go out after dinner so I can see how I get on?

Is this for me??

After dinner, we ventured out into the night with Evie and her disco flashing dog collar, and me in the wheelchair. I made it to the bottom of the road and a little further before I realised that it isn’t going to work for me and my short, little arms. My arms ached and hurt, my legs were stiff and sore and sitting even for a short spell was going to be problematic. Also, it was bloody freezing and that was also a contributing factor… Back to the drawing board I guess. Its not as easy as I thought. Maybe, it’s not the right size, it’s definitely not comfortable.

Searching for your rainbow

Every day I find the positives and I am as upbeat as I can be, but jeeze! I feel like I’m being tested at the moment and I have been mindful of my well-being as I know only too well that venturing too near the rabbit hole can be disastrous. However, what is so amazing is that I am starting to find like-minded people in places I never thought I would, and it has been comforting to know that I’m not alone. Far from it! there are a community of people that have been there, done it and got the t-shirt, so I can ask questions on a live feed because you are encouraged to do so by the creator (something I have never done before). Every response I have had has been kind and helpful.

On a greyer day, I find myself laughing with people that although find life challenging due to their disabilities, still manage to find humor on what can at times be a challenging way of life. In my opinion they are colourful, dazzling bright stars that really brighten my day. So to them I say thank you! thank you for your honesty, your time and understanding, you all make a huge, positive difference to my day!

I hope everyone is doing okay, I am sending you all a giant hugaroo

Much love

C x

Halloween 🎃 👻

Happy Halloween!

Halloween has always been a big deal in our house. There are 4 good reasons for this:

1. My birthday is during the half term break and it falls around Halloween time, so its always been a great excuse to dress up and celebrate.

2. I love spooky decorations and having worked in a school it was my job to make the role play area look utterly fantastic!

3. It was an excuse for me to tell the best spooky stories to children dressed up as a witch (picture below).

4, Did I not say – Dressing up as witch (so much fun!).

I hope you all had a great Halloween!

Much love

C x

This track was blasting out of our porch on our daughters blue tooth speaker! She tied it to the gas pipes with string just in case a cheeky ghoul or witch tried to steal it!

Mental Health

The last two weeks have been tricky for me. Since catapulting this blog into the world, I have felt a sense of relief to a degree, but I mistakenly thought that it would make it easier for me when out and about with bubbles (my pet name for my walking stick) or, if my husband (Matt) was pushing me in the chair. I thought; hopefully all the people I know would have read my blog therefore, I will not need to explain myself while out. As I write this I realise how ridiculous it was for me to think that. I still find it anxiety provoking to go out. Matt pushed me into town at the weekend and I felt a rush of emotions – panicked by the thought of seeing someone I know, feeling an underlying sadness that I am still struggling with mobility eight months after being in hospital, frustrated by the delay in appointments, or the lack of help to support me with what I can and need to do to get better, and finally the feeling of failure – Have I not tried hard enough? what should I be doing? I should be doing better! its my fault… Then the dreaded uncertainty i.e when will this end? will it get better? Am I going to be like this forever? etc…

Fight your way out of negativity

My negative thoughts can become all consuming and I am constantly trying to fight my way through it to get to the surface, where I can breathe and repeat positive affirmations to help me calm the storm that rages all around me. I do manage to get through it and not always on my own, Matt helps me by putting it all in perspective and I feel calmer.

Throughout this blog I have written about how I have always been like a busy bee, frazzled by my whizzy life and relentlessly coming back for more, so I guess that I shouldn’t find it surprising that I am finding my current situation challenging. I thought like so many other times in my life that this was just a blip, I could hide away for a little while and be back without anyone realising I was gone. Over the weekend and for the first time I actually thought well, if this is me then at the very least lets get something that will friggin move faster than these legs! So unless someone is going to get me a new pair legs then I need to look at other options. Its not me giving up, its me accepting that this is how it is for now, so lets make the best of it!

What am I doing to keep my spirits up?

In one of my previous posts I talked about Yoga with Adriene. I have for some time now been been practicing in my front room with Adriene on you tube. I have actually been practicing Yoga since before my daughter was born over eighteen years ago. I’m surprisingly not very flexible, but I don’t care, it helps me and that’s what matters. What also helps me is to try and eat healthily and find foods that are known for their healing properties. I have recently been reading about Anthony William, the Medical Medium and have just ordered his book – Cleanse to Heal, I will write a review in the ‘Book Corner’ he is also on Instagram so you can follow him on there. The other thing that is helping me no end is writing this blog and on Instagram. I find writing therapeutic and I am trying to build myself a little community of people that are going through a similar experience to me, some are a little further on in their journey, I find their posts insightful! AND as I have mentioned before Fearne Cotton and Happy Place is seriously keeping me afloat. Today I listened to the podcast with Fearne and James Arthur, which was great! What I am finding so helpful is that during these wonderful encounters there is so much that I can relate to and also learn about. Todays marvel mentioned on the podcast was a lady called: Brene Brown, who is an American professor, lecturer, author and podcast host. I am currently perusing her profile as I type.

I hope you are all well. Its a rainy Monday here, but I don’t mind its a great excuse to eat chocolate and drink coffee.

As always, I am interested to hear your stories, to find out how you keep your spirits up and look after your mental health and well-being.

So much love

C x