I haven’t written for quite some time. I’ve been busy with my new business, Bloomin’ Wild Tea and I have also made commitments to a couple of community based projects.
I feel proud of what I have achieved so far! It’s definitely been challenging, juggling many balls and my health. I am forever trying to find new ways, to be able to find a balance between what I want to do, and what I need to do to enable me to feel like I’m doing okay i.e achieving my goals and feeling well.
Having worked for the last 10+ years in education and after having completed my foundation degree, it was really hard to make the decision to stop working within a school setting. I felt sad about leaving it behind. However, I needed to concentrate on my health and take time to find myself again.
I went way back to my teens, when I was obsessed with natural skin care. I would read the backs of labels to see what was in everything I was using, externally and internally. I looked into and read about Ayurvedic medicine, I found it so interesting! Then somewhere along the way in one of my squirrel moments (moments I have regularly, when I will be doing something and then my mind takes me off to do something else, before I get the chance to finish the first thing). I ended up falling into something else.
I have always been interested in natural medicine, and so it really was a natural progression for me to study herbalism. I am loving it! However, I do miss the social side of working in education, I miss the buzz, my friends, the physical aspect of the job, and of course I miss the kids!
Starting a business is challenging, especially in our current climate. It’s not been easy but even so, I’m giving it everything I’ve got.
I continue to study, as I don’t think you can ever learn enough about herbalism and the impact that plants have on the body. I’m also really enjoying the astrological side of herbalism, it’s mind blowing!
I was recently accepted for a scholarship, it is such an amazing programme! If you are interested in herbalism, I suggest you go and follow the school of ‘Evolutionary Herbalism’ on instagram, Sajah and Whitney are incredible and very knowledgeable.
I’ve been reading a lot too, but find that the medication I am currently taking makes me tired, so I need to sometimes nap in-between, or get a bit of fresh air so that I can continue.
Fatigue, pain and leg weakness is overwhelming at times and so far this week I’ve been in bed most of the time. Unfortunately, I’ve just had to give into it a bit, otherwise it makes me feel worse and the next day can be even more difficult.
I have all these things I want to do, but I don’t have the capacity to do it and that is extremely frustrating and I tend to worry about life going forward. I’m only 44 and sometimes I’m relating to my mum, who is in her sixties. I had so many plans, and sometimes I feel feisty and I think, I don’t care how hard it’s going to be! my husband and I are still going to do all the things we want to do, and then other days I think about how inaccessible the world is and how a simple trip to London in my wheelchair was tricky enough.
I still mourn my old body and some days I do feel really low. I think about my relationships with people in my life and how they have changed. Everything is so different in comparison to what I was like before this illness. I was helpful and cheery and now I feel differently about myself.
I have come so far, but there is still a way to go. There is no quick fix, I think I find that surprising sometimes. It’s like I see the light at the end of the tunnel but that shitty tunnel just keeps on going and I’m not getting to the end of the damn thing.
Today I am in bed, still in pjs trying to read and do a little course work. My goal is to finish a chapter, I’m going for it! I hope today is being kind to all of you.
Sending love x