The last two weeks have been tricky for me. Since catapulting this blog into the world, I have felt a sense of relief to a degree, but I mistakenly thought that it would make it easier for me when out and about with bubbles (my pet name for my walking stick) or, if my husband (Matt) was pushing me in the chair. I thought; hopefully all the people I know would have read my blog therefore, I will not need to explain myself while out. As I write this I realise how ridiculous it was for me to think that. I still find it anxiety provoking to go out. Matt pushed me into town at the weekend and I felt a rush of emotions – panicked by the thought of seeing someone I know, feeling an underlying sadness that I am still struggling with mobility eight months after being in hospital, frustrated by the delay in appointments, or the lack of help to support me with what I can and need to do to get better, and finally the feeling of failure – Have I not tried hard enough? what should I be doing? I should be doing better! its my fault… Then the dreaded uncertainty i.e when will this end? will it get better? Am I going to be like this forever? etc…
Fight your way out of negativity
My negative thoughts can become all consuming and I am constantly trying to fight my way through it to get to the surface, where I can breathe and repeat positive affirmations to help me calm the storm that rages all around me. I do manage to get through it and not always on my own, Matt helps me by putting it all in perspective and I feel calmer.
Throughout this blog I have written about how I have always been like a busy bee, frazzled by my whizzy life and relentlessly coming back for more, so I guess that I shouldn’t find it surprising that I am finding my current situation challenging. I thought like so many other times in my life that this was just a blip, I could hide away for a little while and be back without anyone realising I was gone. Over the weekend and for the first time I actually thought well, if this is me then at the very least lets get something that will friggin move faster than these legs! So unless someone is going to get me a new pair legs then I need to look at other options. Its not me giving up, its me accepting that this is how it is for now, so lets make the best of it!
What am I doing to keep my spirits up?
In one of my previous posts I talked about Yoga with Adriene. I have for some time now been been practicing in my front room with Adriene on you tube. I have actually been practicing Yoga since before my daughter was born over eighteen years ago. I’m surprisingly not very flexible, but I don’t care, it helps me and that’s what matters. What also helps me is to try and eat healthily and find foods that are known for their healing properties. I have recently been reading about Anthony William, the Medical Medium and have just ordered his book – Cleanse to Heal, I will write a review in the ‘Book Corner’ he is also on Instagram so you can follow him on there. The other thing that is helping me no end is writing this blog and on Instagram. I find writing therapeutic and I am trying to build myself a little community of people that are going through a similar experience to me, some are a little further on in their journey, I find their posts insightful! AND as I have mentioned before Fearne Cotton and Happy Place is seriously keeping me afloat. Today I listened to the podcast with Fearne and James Arthur, which was great! What I am finding so helpful is that during these wonderful encounters there is so much that I can relate to and also learn about. Todays marvel mentioned on the podcast was a lady called: Brene Brown, who is an American professor, lecturer, author and podcast host. I am currently perusing her profile as I type.
I hope you are all well. Its a rainy Monday here, but I don’t mind its a great excuse to eat chocolate and drink coffee.
As always, I am interested to hear your stories, to find out how you keep your spirits up and look after your mental health and well-being.
So much love