Those three little words are like chalk on a blackboard for me (although, not so much when Elsa sings them! I just love the beautiful, mezzo-soprano voice of Idina Menzel). I find it hard to let go and I think the reason I do is because I sometimes dwell on things too much. This isn’t helped by the fact that I currently find myself catastrophizing while staring into space, silently spiraling down yet another rabbit hole.
Curiouser and Curiouser
I do question things, especially when it comes to my health. If I am told this is how it is, take this and that, they are the best drugs that will help. I’m like, well we shall see and I will spend time looking into this to see if its true. Of course, I understand that we are all different, but through my own research I do get a general idea. Also, when you do feel absolutely awful your willing to try anything to see for yourself if its effective. However, I am quite sensitive to medication, so for the first few weeks I walked around in a daze worrying that I may fall over, and at times unfortunately I still feel like this.
When I was first diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, I was also diagnosed with Functional Neurological Disorder (FND). When I was discharged from hospital, I came home and researched both illnesses to try and find out how to best manage them and find ways to feel better, and get myself back to full health.
In the beginning
To begin with, the get better process felt so alien to me, as normally you leave hospital with a plan, or you leave feeling much better than you did when you were first admitted. For me, this wasn’t the case. However, there was a very loose plan i.e follow-ups with a hip specialist, spine specialist and a Neurologist. But the waiting time was vast, and in the meantime I needed to get on with managing medication, something I have never needed to do before. I was also trying to get my head around the fact that my body wasn’t working efficiently and I was and still am afraid that if I don’t stay mobile I will find mobilising even more challenging. So, I make sure I keep pushing myself to do whatever I can.
Forward to today…
I have now seen a hip specialist, who believes my symptoms are neurological. Therefore, he wrote in support of the follow up with the Neurologist.
I have also seen the Neurologist, who wants to do further tests, which I am open to. I want to know exactly what I’m dealing with, so I can get on and find the best way to treat myself holistically.
This past week I was assessed by Occupational Health, who have written a report stating that they feel I am currently unfit for work. Although I found this upsetting, I understand that at this present time I am still dealing with debilitating symptoms and because of my difficulties with mobility I am a health and safety risk in my current role.
I will continue to concentrate on my health and hope for improvement however small it may be. I will keep my spirits up and keep smiling.
I will keep you posted on any further developments. I am interested to know about your journey and if there is anything you found to be helpful.
Much love C x