Today has been a particularly slow day. If I could only turn back the clocks and be my Izzy whizzy self, the person that everyone seems to be missing. Sigh, me too!
Super market sweep
If anyone wishes that I could be back to my old self its me! I remember whizzing through the super market with a shopping trolley filled with goodies, (and sometimes with my son holding on for dear life underneath. Yes, you read right, not in the seat marked for our little treasures, but underneath it, his choice, I didn’t put him there) making it back in time to not just put it all away (with no help I might add) to also have a quick shower, put a full face on and out I would go in a fraction of time that it now takes me to brush my teeth and put on a pair of socks (not in that order and total over exaggeration). Known as the pocket rocket, always here, there and everywhere. Weirdly, I found that I was proud as punch when my husband would say things like: “where do you get all your energy from?” I would nod my head in recognition and my ‘in head voice’ would say: think yourself lucky you’ve got a wife like me mate! like Tigger, I would then bounce off to find my next adventure.
Having a wobble
I think they (my family) are in shock! They have had to step up and help out more. My husband has been amazing and I know that I am lucky. We have been together since I was sixteen, and have had many ups and downs in our time but we have always managed to find our way. However, recently I have been finding that my thoughts are wandering off to a distant land. I feel vulnerable and more dependent than I have ever been. Its not a nice feeling and I find myself thinking, why would he want to stay with me, maybe that sounds ridiculous, but on our wedding day when the vicar said ‘in sickness and in health’ I wonder if he had quietly added, but just to let you know this ones going to be a bit tricky, and you will be left with a slow, hard of hearing, cant remember how old she is lady at 43! Would he have said: hell yeah, give me some of that!? I feel like a burden, that after all these years I am now slowing HIM down! Words I never thought I would say.
I think that this is a longer journey that I could ever have anticipated, and as usual my family have all buckled themselves in for the ride, some not as voluntarily as others.
If your reading this and you know this struggle, I’m totally with you, your not alone.
all my love C x